My toxic trait

My toxic trait is that when things aren’t going well, I put up all my walls,

I shut all the doors and windows and disappear.

I become less responsive to text messages and phone calls.

I become very distant with those that I love.

Worst of all, I tend to try and shut off all my emotions and do my best to not show them.

Try and pretend that they do not exist.

Making them stick around for longer then they need to.

Then they sneak up on me like a shadow.

Hitting me unexpectedly like a wave.

Then drowning me in a ocean of anxiety and breakdowns.

Making me into a person that I do not want to be, a person who I no longer am.

This is when I need to remind myself, it’s okay…

It’s okay to be mad,

it’s okay to be sad,

it’s okay to cry, scream

and just let everything out.

Just do it.

But this is when they say “ it’s hard to practice what you preach.”

And oh man is it ever.

But that’s also the part of growing.

Until one day you are so strong,

that not even that harshest storm will phase you.